The quiet little mouse...

 All social interactions have caused massive anxiety in me.  I'm not sure where it comes from but I know that I have held on to an inferiority complex all my life.  We moved around a lot when I was a child and therefore had many new beginnings/starts in new places, new countries with new languages...  Starting kindergarten school in France as a Dutch speaker (I remember my parents giving teachers a French Dutch dictionary...), then starting 4th grade in Florida US as a French/Dutch speaker age 9 not knowing a word of English (this time teachers were given a French/English dictionary to be able to converse with me)....then moving back to Europe, Belgium,  and finally going to a multi-lingual school to continue my education in the English language...  Growing up and being the different one that can't understand and can't express herself adequately was tough and made me feel small and irrelevant, last, unheard, a last resort...  I have carried this with me always and enjoyed numbing it with alcohol.  My social anxiety came from my childhood, remained unaddressed during my adulthood due to using alcohol which further inhibited me from making meaningful connections with others.  It hurts to realise all this at the mature age of 49, yet very helpful and grateful that I have been able to work this out now thanks to TNM PATH.  I am already able to connect with people when I am shopping, or asserting myself if someone jumps the queue in front of me. No longer allowing myself to be pushed aside, not heard.  I'm part of everything again, and I count and I matter.